AllieHat

Since it's quite clear that we're going with the fabulous name Malicious Salad for my new fiber, I thought Jocelyn deserved a prize, so I knitted up this hat ("An Unoriginal Hat" by Stephanie Pearl McPhee) for her daughter, Allison. Jocelyn even gave me props on her family blog, so I am pleased and proud that her prize was met with approval! She also took this photo, which I happily stole from her:

Check out Jocelyn's blog for a picture of Allie actually wearing it. Cuteness!

I am thinking of making this same hat for Dug's cousin Jodee for Xmas. Normally, I am violently opposed to holiday-gift-knitting because I end up not being able to fulfill all of my promises...but I will do anything for Jodee. I frequently tell Dug that if he should ever leave me, I get to keep Jodee. He thinks her parents would have something to say about this, but I'm sure we can work out a deal.

Bitter Irony and a Confession

Those of you who know me find yourselves rolling your eyes in exasperation every time you ask me, "Have you seen [this show]?" and then remember that no, of course not - if it is a show, featured on a television, I have not seen it. On the rare occasions that television and I have crossed paths, it's because it was on at someone else's house while I was visiting. Even as a child, I watched television if someone else happened to be watching it, but the idea of having to sit down in front of the TV at a certain time every week to watch a certain show freaked me out. I never wanted to be held hostage by a flashy talking box. It's not the quality or content of TV programming that bothers me; I know there's lots of good stuff to see that I am missing out on. It's just the scheduling, the commitment, the obligation that bothers me. Times have changed, of course; there's TIVO and stuff...but that kind of television-watching technology, again, takes commitment.

This aside, I have to admit that the whole reason I ever picked up knitting needles was television. It was after college, my dad was sick, I was keeping him company...in front of the television. Day after day, hour after hour, we watched the Discovery channel at a volume so high it made the walls shake. It was torture. TORTURE. Then, one fateful day as I was cleaning up around my mom's house, I found some ancient, magenta, plastic Boye knitting needles and came to a crossroads: I could use those needles to gouge my eyes and eardrums out so that I would not have to experience the television anymore, OR I could use them to keep my hands busy. I had always wanted to learn to knit, so the more constructive option won.

That's not the real confession, though - it gets worse. I got a spinning wheel, right? Well, it's really hard to spin for hours at a time with nothing else going on around me. I mean, spinning is delightful and fascinating...but it's pretty repetitive. It's a great tool for meditation in that respect; it's so nice to sit down at the wheel and think through all the stuff in your life that needs thinking through. I'm about as deep as my coffee mug, though, so after about five minutes of that crap, I'm ready to put a movie on.

Cable is still useless to me; I hate remote controls and having to be in the right place at the right time to see what I want to see...but Netflix, oh Netflix. I can plop my wheel down in front of the computer and "Watch Instantly" anything I want online and pay attention to it in a very half-assed way as I enjoy spinning. That's just the irony part, though. The confession is this:

I've been watching TV shows on Netflix. It started with Doctor Who, because my friends like it, but now it's spreading to other things, stuff that people have been watching for ages, but I'm only just discovering. 30 Rock, Heroes, Dexter. (I am NOT "just like Dexter", people. Stop saying that. He's a MAN, for goodness' sake.)

I'm not sorry, though; I get a boatload of knitting and spinning done, and I don't have to be monogamous to a television-machine this way.

(You guys want to suggest any good television shows I should catch up on? First person to say "Lost" gets slapped.)

Words of Wisdom

In response to my sweater hang-up, Jennifer points out, "I wouldn't trust a knitter who got it right on the first try."

YEAH. That's right. That's exactly right.

Pride and Punishment

Austen and Dostoevsky should have collaborated, or at least dated. But, no - the internet tells me that Jane died at the tender age of 42, just three years before little Fyodor was born. No dating for them. ANYWAY, back to the topic - my own downfall, my Pride and my Punishment.

PRIDE: After I blocked Nuclear Pumpkin, it was fantastic. It fit me perfectly. On Saturday, I wrote the previous blog post in which I bragged and bragged and boasted on and on about my greatness, and then I wore the sweater Saturday night and basked in the admiration of my friends. I wore it to work yesterday and bragged and boasted and showed off and then...and then...Nuclear Pumpkin started doing Something Weird. The springy wool started contracting. It started getting shorter and shorter...until it was FAR shorter than it was BEFORE I'd blocked it. By the end of the day, it was sticking out around my body like an orange flying saucer. I should have anticipated this, because as I was knitting it, I could see that the wool wanted to contract in length. I figured blocking would fix it, because it wasn't pulling in all that much. I did not anticipate that it would just shrink, right on my body, while I was wearing it. Lesson Learned, for the 135th time: Wool is Strange Stuff.

(Oddly enough, it didn't shrink horizontally. In fact, it got bigger. I guess that's why Blugly's blocking worked out so well; I just wanted to expand the ribbing horizontally, while the length was already perfect.)

PUNISHMENT: None of this is as catastrophic as it might sound; I'm just going to rip out part of the sweater from the bottom up to where the decreases end, knit back down without increasing, add a little length and redo the hem, which I wanted to redo anyway. The hardest/slowest part will be ripping it out...and I may have already done that part last night before my family could stop me.

Nuclear Pumpkin: Not A Disaster

Today I unpinned Nuclear Pumpkin from the blocking board. (Mostly because I was sick of it being in my way, more than because it was dry.) Dug helped me unpin it, and then came the moment of truth.Not only does the Nuclear Pumpkin Sweater fit me, my friends...it fits me and DOES NOT SUCK. I won't claim that it represents good taste or great fashion, because I don't have a clue about that kind of stuff, but it is soft and comfy. The bottom hem - the most worrisome element - fits me at the right place. The sleeves are the right length and they don't mind being shoved up to my elbows. The hem around the neckline, which you can't see very well in these pictures, and with which I experimented a great deal, turned out fan-freakin-tastic. There is just the right amount of length in the armholes, enough so that I could wear a t-shirt underneath, but not so much that the sleeves could function as a hang-glider. Oh yeah - and the side shaping that I spontaneously put in to account for the fact that my hips are six times wider than my waist? It worked out so well that it's eerie. I LOVE this sweater.

Here are my boobs.

Here I am, revelling in the perfect fit of my sweater, and wondering why I don't have lips anymore. (Perhaps they've migrated north, to my nose?)

Again, I feel the need to point out that when I finished this sweater, the bottom hem fell in the middle of my tummy, the sleeves were tight and weird, and the armholes wanted to sit on the tops of my shoulders. I owe the success of this sweater not to my mad knitting skillz (I am a terrible knitter - really) but to the miracle of BLOCKING.

Maybe someday I shall post photos and a play-by-play description of one of my earlier sweaters which fell to disaster, all because I scoffed at the concept of blocking. It is humiliating to me, but perhaps it may save other New Knitters out there from the same despair.

I know people will ask, and the answer is YES, Dug did have to talk me into changing out of my Dr. Pepper pants before modelling my sweater in the front yard.

The Great Pumpkin

I had this wacky idea that I would finish my Nuclear Pumpkin sweater before the weather turned cold. Then, as the sweater progressed, I increased the challenge and told myself I'd finish it the week of my birthday (partly as a present to myself, mostly to free up time for holiday gift knitting).

Well...I totally did it! I finished it yesterday, with ONE YARD OF YARN to go on the skein I was using (although I do have one more skein left and tons more to spin). I wove in all the ends and sewed up the armpits (badly). I tried it on and it fit ODDLY, but one thing I have learned the hard way about wool garments is that you have to Block The Holy Living Crap Out Of Them to get them to hold their intended shape.

So, I soaked it in wool-friendly soap in my washing machine (no agitation; just soaking), and then I spin-cycled it, and then I soaked it again in clear water, and then I spin-cycled it again. Then, while the wool was damp and malleable, I got out my blocking board (read: large piece of sturdy foam insulation board - Maxim's brilliant idea), laid the wet sweater-blob on it and forced it into approximately the shape of...well, me...and mercilessly pinned it into place. It's just like stretching a canvas, except the canvas is made of sweater.

Let us all cross our fingers that, by the time it is dry, it will fit perfectly. Or at least not badly. Note to sweater owners: you can block store-bought wool or wool-blend sweaters if they are misbehaving. Say you have a hem that curls up or ribbing that pulls in too much or maybe it's just a little too tight in the hips. A good, vicious blocking might fix it.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am obviously a "process knitter" vs a "product knitter". As soon as all the lose ends of yarn were woven in, I wanted to shove my new sweater in a drawer and start on the next thing. It took a great force of willpower for me to block and pin it and THEN start on the next thing.

I will take pictures when the sweater is dry and I can model it properly. Unless it looks like hell, in which case we will never speak of it again.

No, REALLY...

Today, as the fate of our nation is decided, as great decisions are made, as people give grave consideration to the power of their votes, another debate rages on. It is, perhaps, less important than the U.S. Presidential Election occurring at this very moment. It might even be labeled "trivial," or, indeed, "very silly". But it is a debate, nonetheless, and one that I must personally face every day of my life.

Let me give you a transcript of this debate, which occurs, as I mentioned, every single freaking day.

JENNIFER: We should go to Yarn Barn and get you more fiber.
ME: Oh dear, no, I'm not going to buy any more fiber until I use up everything that I already have.
JENNIFER: You always need more fiber. You have to have a stash.
ME: Oh dear, no, I'm not going to buy any more fiber until I use up everything that I already have.
JENNIFER: You need more fiber to spin.
ME: Oh dear, no, I'm not going to buy any more fiber until I use up everything that I already have.
JENNIFER: I guess I won't get you anything fiber related for Christmas then.
ME: You could get me a Majacraft Suzie Alpaca spinning wheel. It is only $850.
JENNIFER: No, you can't have anything fiber related until you use up everything you have.
ME: But a spinning wheel is a tool to use that stuff up, and I want a second wheel.
JENNIFER: You are a greedy bitch. Also, my cat died so I had to bury him in the back yard this morning.
ME: Sad - I just tried to make an eCard for you but it wouldn't let me finish it without logging in and sending them samples of my DNA and promising them my first born child. The card I was making had some trees and a giant lemon, and the lemon said, "SO SORRY" and then in big scrolling fancy curly text below, the letters popped up, "YOUR CAT IS DEAD", and then underneath I would have typed, "At least you buried him instead of setting him on fire in the middle of your front yard, like my dad did one time."

(Okay, this debate happens daily EXCEPT for the dead cat part. That part was extra.)

I'm going to win this debate once and for all.

First, I have the still unfinished Nuclear Pumpkin sweater. I am not sure about the fit right now; I'm a wee bit concerned that I may have to rip it back. Also, I am not even done spinning all the fiber from this project. I think I have enough to finish knitting the sweater, but there's still more NP fiber. Lots more. I may put the extra up on Etsy to see if I can make a buck.


Next I have the scarf that Jennifer and I each knit as a "Knit Along" sort of thing, and she started and finished hers in like a WEEK, and I've been pattering along on mine for two months. I'll admit that I love the yarn so much that I'm kind of savoring the scarf, though, knitting just a little bit at a time.

Then I have various quantities of fiber projects waiting to be started. I have about a pound of Mauch Chunky roving in two shades of blue. I have about a pound of alpaca fiber that I bought at that Apples and Alpacas farm. I have some flax that I bought at Settler's Farm in Wamego, KS this past Saturday. (A small amount, though; just enough to learn with.) I have some beautiful topaz bamboo roving that Jennifer got me as a present, about 4 oz.
Then I have sock yarn. I have the Patons Kroy sock yarn that I will not start knitting until I am done with all the other crap I'm knitting (shut UP, that is a SWATCH in the photo, not knitting), some Red Heart stuff in NP-ish colors that Jennifer bought me, some yellow Tofutsies...and not pictured, I have a drawer filled with 6,000 other skeins of sock yarn waiting for my attention.
Then I have spinning projects that have been started and not yet finished; the red goatstuff, and Louet brand Karaoke fiber (half merino, half soysilk) in the "Mermaid" colorway.

Then I have this...this TWO POUNDS of fiber that I dyed a couple of weekends ago. It is dyed in one long strip, going from orangey-yellow to mottled greens to chestnut (which broke into deep purples in most places - it looks more brown in the picture, but pretend you're seeing some purples in there, too). It is dry now, and beckoning to me. The photo below shows one of two matching rovings that I dyed. I have not named this fiber yet. Any suggestions? Dug wants to name it Fraggle, but it doesn't look like a Fraggle to me. (Well, maybe Whimbley.) Scott, this is your chance to get me back for "Moopsy Weaselsnard".

Anyway, can we all agree that at this point, I have QUITE ENOUGH fiber? Come on people, back me up here.